Why am I always a dog?
by Magister of OZ
Summary: Truth has sent me to a part of something called a "host club"... I think I might die... give me strength Al...
1. Edward Elric!

"The thing I have for you is to survive"

The truth grinned "The world itself is quite harmless in comparison to your world. That's why I'm sending you to suou..." then I went to speak with alphonse

Suou?!... who is that?... I'm going find out...

* * *

The suou mansion is an extravagant piece of art if one of true taste had to say, a huge mansion of exquisite detail goes into this fine establishment, the finest place must be of course the main hall. Full of paintings, precious vases, a fine chandelier, and portraits of it's beautiful lord, tamaki suou.

Young tamaki is from France and is the illegitimate child of the extremely wealthy chairman of ouran academy. He lived with his mother until a year ago, due to a deal struck by his heartless grandmother and his mother, who's health was rapidly decreasing. Ever since coming to Japan, he had absolutely zero contact with his mother. Besides this, he was extremely happy. He had formed ouran academy's top club, the ouran high school host club. With his friend, Kyoya ootori working on leveling the club's budget and also a host as the serious one. Another member is Mitsukuni Haninozuka, or much preferred "Honey-senpai", who is known by the visitors as the cutesy Lolita, seriously, he's 17 and he can pass for a elementary school student! He brings along Takashi morinozuka, nicknamed "mori-senpai", is known as the strong silent type. Finally, the Hitachiin brothers, hikaru and kaoru, twins who care deeply for each other, and kinda exaggerates themselves as the forbidden brotherly love twin prankster duo. And he is the "Leader" and he couldn't be happier...

"AAAHHHH!" *CCCRAASHH!* *SSMMASSHH!* *CCRRACCK!* "Ow! God damn that hurts!"

Tamaki eyes flew open and he jumped out of his bed onto the floor "what in the world?..." that voice... sounded familiar..

* * *

I sawed the gate open over a... chandelier?... This is gonna hurt...

I onto the edge of the chandelier and it ends up swinging, I hold for dear life "As long this stays connected, I can find a way down with alchemy.." I hear creaking and I look up and see the connection to the ceiling fidgeting and cracking , I stare forward, deadpanned "This is going to hurt.."

The chandelier breaks off, and it thens begin to pummel to the ground.. With me on it! "AAAHHHHH!" It crashes into the walls and some portraits, and vases. They all were either knocked down or destroyed. ...I don't think I'll be able to pay for that...

*CCRRAASSHH!* *SSMMAASSHH!* *CCRRAACCKK!*

Yeah, I'm right... I hop off the chandelier and rolls on the ground, with minimal injury "That wasn't so bad.." then a part of the chandelier lands right on top of me "OW! THAT HURTS GOD DAMN IT!"

How can this get any worse?... "W-who are you?!.." ...I was just asking for that, wasn't I?...

I see a whole bunch of armed guards arrive and the last thing I see is a butt end of a gun smacks me right in the face,

Owww...

* * *

I feel.. oddly comfortable..

I shake my head and take notice of my appearance, my clothes are back! My black jacket and leather pants, my normal shoes, and my red coat with hood. I even saw my state alchemist pocketwatch! I take a look at my injuries, besides thewas obvious chandelier incident injuries, the wounds from the battle with that father bastard are healed!

I also noticed I had a pair of handcuffs on me... meh, was expecting that actually...not the first time this happened...

"Hello.." I look up to look at a blond guy, in a pair of pajamas. I have to admit, he looks kinda good... in a not gay way...I know what you are thinking, Stop that! He places his head in the palm of his hand "Who are you? Why did crash through my ceiling?..."

I gulped, this guy seems serious..."Im... Edward elric and... I was just passing by..." ...I really have to learn to make better excuses... "Edward... Elric?" I nod, he smiles "A commoner, I presume..."

I frown, in a alternative world, I am a fucking major!. "Yeah, I suppose.." he let's out a laugh that I believe that any woman who listens /except teacher maybe, General Armstrong, granny pinako, and maybe the lieutenant/ , they would swoon.

"And I suppose you don't have any money?.." I open my mouth and immediately closes it, I wasn't carrying any money during the battle at central, and even if I did, this is a different reality, also could mean different type of money...I'm poor...I am actually fucking poor...I have no resources...and I owe this guy's...

"My apologies, my name is Tamaki suou..." This is suou?...kinda young.. Then again, this is coming from a guy who became a military major at twelve...so, no room to talk "um... suou, I'm kinda poor so..." He moved particularly close to my face "W-what the hell you are doing?..." he smiles

"A commoner with no money?... " he grins "How cute..." Huh?!..I feel my face warm up, fuck I'm blushing... "W-wha.." "I have a way for you to pay for the damages..." he moves his face closer, centimeters away from me. I can sense his lips closing in and...

STOP THAT! NO GOD DAMN YAOI! "You could very well pay with your body..." THE HELL I JUST SAID!

He smiles "as a personal assistant.." ...YOU MOTHER FUCKER! I push him away extremely pissed, "You little son of a bitch!" He tilted his head "How old are you, You look 12 or 13..." ...*takes a deep breath* "WHO YOU CALLING SO SMALL HE COULD PASS OFF AS A GOD AMN ELEMENTARY SCHOOL STUDENT!" ...

He blinks..."oww...my eardrums..." I scoff "You deserve it... Fancy bastard..." he regains his composure and adopts a thinking pose "To repay me, you will have to be used for services.. I own the ouran high school host club..." I feel a strange feeling... he smiles and points at me "you are now the host clubs dog..."

A sketch of a dog appeared me and I sigh...

"Why am I always a dog?..."


	2. Starting today!

**Time for another part of this story, but... new followers! Special thanks to Jaggedwing (again, thanks pal), Yukinaru Suzumi (returning once more), jazmin4, Kairi67, DaughterOfApollo1945, PokemonKeybadeAlchemistXIII, rednightmares, therealdeal10311, HydroRecon, and Mstar13**

**Okay, *coughs coughs* Here we go!**

**Nasty disclaimer: I don't claim ownership over fullmetal alchemist or ouran high school host club, got it? Good**

* * *

dialogue: "

Thoughts: '

The twins: +

Author's notes: **Yo**

* * *

{Edward's p.o.v.}

"So..., who are you?"

I turned my head to see what looks like a guy. He was wearing a baggy sweater and jeans. He was also wearing a pair of big glasses, like how fuery wears. His hair is scruffy and unkempt, like he never heard of a comb. Despite the appearance, the voice holds some femininity... I don't know why...

He/she tilts his/her head "You look kinda irritated..." I rest my hand in my palm "Yeah, I am... I met the host club..."

* * *

Roses engulf the screen and as they flew away, text appeared being narrated by Edward

(Starting today, Edward Elric! You are a host!)

* * *

{Earlier, 3rd person p.o.v.}

Edward and tamaki stood before a large porcelain doors, that of music room#3. They had came to ouran academy and will soon meet the host club, tamaki smiled "Ready for work, my little piglet?" He raised his finger while winking

Edward grabbed tamaki's shirt and lifted him high, to about his tippy-toes since Tamaki was taller, and raised his fist preparing to strike "Who the hell you're calling 'little', ya pompous bastard..." He growled

Tamaki nervously smiled while wagging his finger "Ah, ah, ah... need I increase the amount of money for the damages you caused?..." Edward, begrudgingly, let's go 'No need to increase the bill' he thought

He grumbles "Just what the hell is a host club anyway..." Tamaki smiled as he preformed a variety of moves while answering "The host club is a joint project, where incredibly handsome men with simply too much time on their hands, as they entertain beautiful maidens who also have too much time on their hands." He ended with a bow

Edward compiled this information "So, essentially... You guys are man-whores?..." Tamaki gasped in shock as he nearly tipped over, 'Moron...' Edward thought

Tamaki stood up smiling, regarding his composure "Not at all, we simply provide dazzling entertainment. Now... behold!" He pushes the door open as Edward's vision was engulfed in a bright light, soon followed by flying rose petals

When the light died down, he caught a glimpse of the room's occupants. One was a young man, who's height and appearance dictates he's a preschooler. Another is a really tall and stoic looking guy, besides his titan height, nothing of interest. One is is a rather height-y size wearing a pair of glasses, which the light is reflecting of them so he couldn't see his eyes. The next two were both identical, with matching red spiky hair

**(I'm not going into details on how they all look like, look it up on Google from this point on)**

Both of the twins, in unison "+Huh? Boss, who's this guy?" The twins walked up to examine Edward

Then the guy in the glasses spoke up " I would like to hear too, tamaki" he pushed his glasses up a bit higher, examining Edward from afar

The Lolita walked up, holding a stuffed bunny, with eyes of innocence "Hello, are you tama-chan's friend? Would you like to hold usa-chan?" He smiles holding the bunny towards Edward, which he just shakes his hand "Um.. nah... I'm good..."

The titan host came up behind the Lolita and stared at Edward "..." edward began to feel uncomfortable, 'So... he's a character...'

Tamaki smiles "Ah, as you remembered from this morning, I contacted you all of... the recent damages to my home..." He stared off to the side, remembering all the money going into repairs. He is extremely rich, so money isn't truly an issue, but still... remembering the time with his mother... ugh...

Glasses continued "Ah, and you then mentioned... our new dog?" He looked at Edward in interest "Edward elric, I presume? My name is kyoya Ootari, of the Ootari group." He extended his hand, which Edward then shaked "Yeah.. it's Edward, okay kyoya..."

The Lolita smiled "Ah! You are our new friend! I'm mitsukuni Haninozuka, but you can call me 'Honey-senpai'!" He smiles as he pointed at the titan "And that's takashi!"

Takashi looked at Edward "Takashi morinozuka, just mori please..." "Don't talk much?.." Mori-senpai nods... doesn't seem very important...

The twins walk up and talk in unison again "+We're the hitachiin brothers, hikaru and karou!" They smiled, Edward took notice of the speech patterns, one has a noticeable higher pitch in the voice the other is lower and...familiar. Just which is which?

The twin on the left said "I'm hikaru." And the twin on the right said "And I'm kaoru." They both smirked as began to run in a circle in quick succession, they stopped, also deciding to put on identical hats, they smiled "+Now let's play the 'Which one is Hikaru' game!"

To anyone else, this would be really hard... "The one to the left is Hikaru" They shake their head's in no "+Nuh uh"

Edward frowned "Nah, I see the difference" And he walked away from the twins. The difference between them is that kaoru had a softer voice pitch, while Hikaru sounded like ling, a voice he could recognize, making it a bit easier

Honey-senpai ran up holding some cake with a smile "Edo-chan! You want some cake?" He said, holding the pastry over. Edward shrugged and took the pastry, then taking a bite "And who you're calling edo-ch-" He stopped as he tasted, 'What...'

Honey-senpai smiled "That's a new recipe the cook's made, half cake and half milk!" That was all Edward needed to hear, he spat out the cake and proceeded to wipe his tongue "Disgusting cow mucus?! Disgusting! Disgusting! DISGUSTING!"

Hikaru stared blankly "...the matters with you?" Edward proceeded to blow a raspberry at nowhere "Milk is disgusting! I hate that shit!"

Both twins looked at each other, then smiled devilishly. "+Thinking what I'm thinking?..." they said before running out of the music room, only to return, with kaoru holding a carton of milk

Hikaru then grabs Edward from behind and holds him down, Edward growls "What the hell?!" Hikaru smiles "Don't worry, Edo-chan!" "We need to help strengthen your bones so you can stop being such a midget" Kaoru continued, smiling "+So you need your milk!"

Edward's eyes widen "You wouldn't..." Then he notice kaoru's choice of words "AND WHO YOU CALLING A HALF-PINT BEAN-" Taking advantage of Edward's opened mouth, kaoru pours the carton down Edward's throat. Edward's eyes widen as the lactose extract poured down his throat.

Kyoya took a step back from the madness and opened his laptop. He decided to some research on this 'Edward Elric' and see what to expect. Kyoya types in a search engine and was surprised to find...

Nothing

No birth records, no school records, not even a shrew of evidence of any Elric's! Though, he keeps getting recommendations of a book by Michael Moorcock. This is going to be a interesting experience

* * *

{Present, the he-she p.o.v.}

This guy met these rich morons too? Yeesh, these guys are malicious... "You too?..." The guy nodded "Yeah..." he looked at me with with his hand out "Edward elric, male dog of the host club's morons." He smiled

Why did he mention that he was a guy? Then again, it wouldn't be hard to confuse that with him.. I shook his hand "Haruhi fujioka, female dog of the host club morons." I smile, it is fun to say that out loud

He chuckled "They got you too, huh? What are you in for?" I sigh, that is a kinda lengthy story

"I was looking around for a place to study when I entered the music room and met these jerks. I try to escape but that 'suou' guy kept harassing me, knocking me into a 8 Million dollar vase..." I sighed, was that on purpose?... "And it broke, now I owe those jerks that much money..."

He scratched his head "I take it your not rich either?." 'he owes them money too? Better remember that' I thought "Nope, I'm just an honors student, I won a scholarship here." He smirks "You must be really smart then..." He stood up and I saw him looking at me, head to toe "So... why the guy look?..."

I sighed again, exquisite this guy is.. "I got gum stuck in my hair on the first day, so I cut it all off. And I couldn't afford the uniform here, so I just picked something out of my dad's closet." He nods, a look of understanding appears "Got it.." "Hey, mind I ask you something?"

He shrugs "Equivalent exchange, okay" I tilt my head, that sounded familiar.. "Um... first, what?" I asked confused, he smiles "To gain anything in life, something of equal value must be lost. You gave me info on you, so in return, I'll give you info." 'i knew that sounded familiar' I nod

"So... why are you here?..." "I was traveling and I accidentally broke some of that suou-idiots property, so now I'm paying for it..."

I sighed, 'suou does this on purpose, definitely..' "He got you too, huh?." He nods, sighing too "Hey, those guy's told me to go to the store and pick up some stuff, wanna come?" He nods, smiling "Better than being here." I smile, 'This guy is pretty fun'

* * *

{Later, 3rd person p.o.v.}

"Spurned, neglected but non of that matters now, long live the poor! We welcome you poor man to our world of ~crap!~" Edward spreaded his arms if giving a big hug. Haruhi had mentioned how much Edward sounded like that tamaki, so he decided to put his improvisation skills to work "I'll be king of the host club morons! And I know all the boobylicious girls!"

Haruhi giggled, enjoying Edward's mocking of the reason they're here. The host club morons told them to get them coffee beans and napkins. Little things, but it did empty haruhi's wallet a bit. They re-entered the building and returned to the music room... as the host club was open

The twins were performing a very homoerotic skit involving twincest, which the girls seeing gushed all over. This cause both Edward and haruhi to gag in revolt "Oh look... the homosexual supporting cast..." Edward muttered lightly so only Haruhi could hear, who snickered

Mori-senpai was seen coming in with honey-senpai, sleeping on his back, causing the girls there to sqee with delight. Haruhi snickered "Is that guy really a upperclassmen?.." while Edward stared as a memory popped up...

* * *

{Flashback, amestris, 12 years ago}

A young boy of three years is watching a baby boy of only a year younger than him, named alphonse elric. His brother, Edward, is looking after him while their mother was getting groceries and their father is busy researching.

"Ugh.." Edward sighed "This is boring... why did mommy asked me to do this, nothing is happening..." Then... *grumbles*..

"Huh?.." Edward stared at the child in front of him, as he was shaking awake and looks like he was about to...

Edward eyes widened "W-wait, Don't cry..." Edward tries to console al, while he was shaking "Wait! You're hungry, right?.. let's get something to eat.." He tried to pick up the baby and realized he was too heavy for him to lift "grr.. come on.." he growls then gives up

He looked at the baby, as a tear leaked from his eye...

Edward gritted his teeth and tossed the baby on top of his back and carried him like that, heavily panting as he travelled down the hall

He reached the kitchen and quickly, and begrudgingly collected the milk from the fridge, giving it to Alphonse in a bottle, which Al happily drank

Edward smiled until he sawed his mother standing at the doorway, who giggled "M-mom?!" She smiled "You did a good job, my little man." she calmly patted him on his head, causing Edward to blush slightly, hearing his nickname

"Mommy... I couldn't lift Al.. like you do.." she smiled "Don't worry about that, Edward. You did remarkable for your age.." he smiled at his mother, always thankful for her kind words.

She smiled "Maybe you can help look after winry too, hmm?" Edward eyes widened as he collapsed with the thought of looking after both kids at his age. Alphonse sawed and giggled at his funny brother

In the years since then, Edward had looked over these two. And after the human transmutation, whenever Edward was too tired to walk himself, the youngest elric would repaid his brother for the service all those years ago...

* * *

Haruhi snapped her fingers in front of Edward, having spaced out for a minute. "Hey, Edward.." Edward shook his head and looked at her "Sorry, got lost there for a second.."

'Lost in what?..' Haruhi thought about until.. "Oh speak of the devil! Thanks for doing the shopping, little piglets, did you get everything on our list?" Edward, mind out of the memory, gritted his teeth at the 'little' comment as he and haruhi left the items on the table.

Both were sweatdropping at these rich idiots reaction to instant coffee and how Tamaki made a big show on drinking it... 'I hate all these damn rich people..' who thought this? Both of them

After making coffee for the club, both took a quick swig at the coffee they made "Edward, aren't you going to put some cream in?" Ed gritted his teeth "I hate milk..."

Haruhi, after finishing, was immediately tackled by honey-senpai "Haru-chan!"And spun her around, 'Did they know?...' Edward was interrupted by honey-senpai "Hey, haru-chan. Wanna have some cake with me? He asked smiling, haruhi replied very dizzily "Thanks.. but I don't really like...cake.."

Honey-senpai then offered for her to hold his toy bunny and was surprised at her reaction at usa-chan as she looked on the verge of sqweeing. He could just imagine a light going off in Honey-senpai's brain. He smirks, 'None of these morons could tell?..'

"You notice that our club utilizes each man's characteristics to cater to the desires of our guests." Kyoya pops up, scaring both host dog's while explaining how exactly the host club operates "Just so you know, Tamaki is number one around here. He's the king, his request rate is 70%" we looked to see the king of the host club talking to several women. The dog's scoffed "Just what the hell is the word coming to..." who said that? Both

"And to pay off your debts to the host club, you will ask as the host club's dogs until we all graduate." He smiled "I'm sorry, I meant our errand boy's" haruhi stares in shock wile ed grumbles 'That long?.. yeesh, the next time I see truth, I'm knocking the bastard out...'

Kyoya made a comment about his family's private police force and what should happen if they tried to escape, being the only way to leave.. is to leave Japan altogether. Edward didn't mind while Haruhi looked terrified, Kyoya then made a comment on them having passports

"You two are going to have to work hard to pay off your debts." Tamaki moved behind both of his new dog's "My little nerd.." he blow into haruhi's ear, scaring her. She breathe hard "please don't do that again.." he looked at both of them before turning his full attention to Haruhi

"You need a makeover, or else no girls are ever going to look twice at you." 'It's confirmed, he's an idiot." Thoughts of Edward or Haruhi? Need we say? Haruhi said "Well yeah, I'm not trying to get girls to look at me.." 'Because she/I am a girl..' both...

"Are you kidding me?.." The vision of everyone in the music room was blinded by a large bright white light, the Tamaki is seen holding a rose "It is the most important thing..you'll have to learn to be a gentleman to please the ladies, like me." Tamaki smiled as he posed, holding the rose. Edward physically gagged, honestly wanting to tell that Haruhi is a girl, but she wants to see how long until they figure it out 'I expect... graduation if they try really hard.'

Haruhi wholeheartedly mentally agreed "I just don't think it's all that important," Tamaki shook slightly as haruhi continued "Why should I care about appearance's and labels anyway, I mean it's what's on the inside, right?.. I don't even understand why you guys have a host club like this..." Edward chuckled, quite a way to put it, huh?'

Of course, Tamaki didn't catch the meaning "It's a cruel reality, isn't it?" Both Edward and Haruhi figures slump as he continues, striking a lousous pose "It's not often that god creates a person like 'mou', beautiful both inside and out." Both of them stared at the host who is clearly in love with himself, deapanned looks all around 'God huh?..must've been a slip-up, he isn't so merciful..' Edward darkly thought.

Tamaki continued to praise himself to the high heavens while Edward and Haruhi mentally wondered how to describe the over condescending host "There's a word for guys like him.. hmm.. what is it?.' both thought, deciding on.. "Obnoxious!" Causing Tamaki to retreat into the corner in a fetal position, emitting a dark aura

Quickly apologizing to him, Haruhi not Edward who very much meant it, Tamaki immediately hopped back up. The twins, who both walked over, remarked on how Haruhi would go far looking as "HE" is, proving to the dogs that the host is full of morons. Hikaru removed Haruhi's glasses revealing her big Brown eyes to the host club and to Edward, who could've seen it before but he kept thinking about fuery with those glasses 'So that's what she looks like without them, huh?.. nice I suppose...'

The host club immediately went to action on giving Haruhi a guy makeover, leaving Edward in the music room with the guests, Tamaki shouted as he left "Keep the guests entertained!" And the door slams, Edward eyes diluted "How the hell can I do that?!" But was rewarded with silence... he turned to see all the girls staring at him, making him awkward "uhh..."

Something fell out of Edward's pocket, catching everyone's attention. Edward looked down and sees his research notes/ Travelogue 'Huh?... how?.. I wonder..' he opened the book And he read all the exploits of him and Alphonse, he smiled in remembrance

"Hmm?" "What's that?.." were what the women of the music room thought curiously about the book.. before Edward noticed "Oh.. sorry.. um.. " He nervously began reading his book, all the women noticed his appearance, and.. How good he looked!

His golden hair braided with a tied bow at the end, his nice facial structure giving him a angular look, his fashion sense was elaborate and very distinctive, was it made by some long by an up and coming designer? But the most intriguing part of him is his eyes, which seemed like two dazzling pools of pure gold, the same with his hair. Many swooned, wondering who was this new host...

Edward noticed the stares, and read his old notes "Um..." He looked at a girl who just raised her voice to catch his attention "W-what is that?.." she asks, how can he responded to this?!..

"It's um..." the exploits of his adventures? "Old story's I made with my brother.." They nod, all intrigued, he has a brother, who?.. "You have a brother? Where is he?.." Edward gulped, he doesn't know what to do now... "He's... gone.." 'Or rather, I'm gone' looked down

The girls all stared, realizing they went to far... except one "Um... what did you two.. used..to write?.." the girl's all stared at me the one who spoke with glares, making her begin to retreat from sight. Edward sighed, looks like it's story time... "Wanna hear?.." They all stared at Edward and silently nods, waiting for his words

Edward sighed, 'Al, looks like I'm going to talk ourselves...'

{Story time, Edward Elric edition}

A average sized teen of fifteen was seen walking cross a mountain of sand in the middle of a desert. He was wearing a every distinguished outfit, also carrying a suitcase. He sighs, tired and hot "Augh... I hate deserts..it's nothing but sand.." He falls face first into the sand, extremely tired. "Ugh...if there was some grass I could turn it to bread.. I'm starving!.." 

He picks up his head and get on his knees , looking around "Hey Al, where'ja go?.." his voice gains a bit of brashness "Al! Hey!" A voice appears, "Down here.." then a huge metal fist grabbed onto his leg, causing the teen to scream...

Edward happily continued speaking of his and Alphonse's trip to liore. The girls, still thinking it was a made up story, were incredibly drawn into the story being told. Edward got to the part where he revealed his automail after beating up the chimera's. So he decided to pull a sight host-clubish act, gripping onto his coat and jacket. He decided not to tear them off this time

He put on a convincing cornello impression "Wait! Your limbs! They're fake!" Then returned to his voice "Brilliant deduction.." he gripped his coat and slowly takes it off, causing the girls to blush "Don't look away, you need to see what happens when you try to bring a human to life! When you cross into God's territory or whatever the hell it is! Is this what you want! Look!" He took his coat, making all the females blush

And impressing the returning host club...

* * *

**Hey, back here you see... been a while since I visited the host club and they were still waiting. Ha ha.**

**I don't envision this to be yaoi, I... really have the desire to avoid it at all costs. So you seen... I don't read that many stories here... I am perfectly fine with those with homosexual interests and tendencies, (I, myself, am not.) So long as they seem natural... and don't have them making out or don't heavily describe very detailed homosexual... lemons, to say now. I am not fond of yaoi, but I am not going to hate on it for people who are**

**This chapter is really, really clustered... ugh, whatever. Read rate and review**

**Reviews:**

**RCRC36: Ah, thank you**

**Miss mystery: Read the paragraph up there. I'm not going to not say Edward could end up with any of the guy hosts, it's just not likely...**

**Yukinaru suzumi: Thanks, nice**


	3. You are a host dog!

**Thanks for the response's, it really means a lot... though Tamaki isn't so happy...*looks at the corner***

**Tamaki: *crouching in a corner, depressed and growing mushrooms*...**

**Yeesh... well, now for this chapter. Warning: This chapter is mostly a retread of the second half of episode one, not much different aside from beginning and end**

**Disclaimer: Last chapter, I seriously couldn't care to repeat that**

* * *

Dialogue: "

Thoughts: '

Authors notes: **Yo**

The twins dual,talk: +

* * *

Edward smiled as he looked around at the female guests, who were all looking with red faces. 'Ha, this is... kinda fun..' he thought as he put on his jacket again when... *Clap,* *clap* *Clap*.. he, along with the female guests, looked to see the host club standing in the doorframe, clapping

Tamaki walked over and threw a arm around Edward's shoulder, holding his other arm in the air "Some prowless! Not even any training and you can pull in such a lovely crowd." He looks at the female guests with a smile, making many girl's swoon

Edward scoffed, throwing off tamaki's arm "Get off me, ya pompous little punk..." the Hitachiin twins grinned "+But Edo-chan! You're the tiny one!" He growled as he chased the probably homosexual incestful brother's, who were running and grinning "WHO YOU CALLING A TINY BEAN SPROUT!" He screamed out loud, to the amusement of all but two of the people in the music room.

Haruhi, after her massive makeover that makes her look like a guy and wearing a male uniform, was extremely anxious about walking back here. Through her mind was now on something else not about herself, the strange Edward Elric. When he removed his coat and jacket, she got a quick glance at his right arm. It looked extremely feeble, almost brittle, this would be enough for her to ponder if she didn't see his left arm which looked considerably more healthy and muscular. His right side sight also appeared to have large scars, looking quite old. 'What happened to him?..' she thought

Kyoya was the only other to notice the anomaly that was his torso. His family owned a large sum of hospitals and owned hospital equipment, meaning he knows how the body works. His brittle arm didn't make sense as his other was quite strong. The scars on his side were also something to make note of. 'Edward Elric, you seem to get more and more interesting...'

Edward stopped running and caught a sight of Haruhi, staring at her "Hmm?.." he tilted his head, confused 'Who is this guy?..' She nervously smiled, understanding his confusion, hell she could barely believe it! "Hey... Edward..." his eye's widen "Huh?!..."

Kyoya smiled "We all chipped in to get Haruhi here a new look and a new uniform. We have given Haruhi the chance to repay the debt by being a host to a hundred girl's." He made sure to Haruhi's gender ambiguous, he knew from the time she entered the host clubs door for the first time... and the second it took to research her in his laptop. He mentally frowns, he can find so much information on everyone, except Elric. It's almost if he doesn't damn exist!

Edward smiled and whispers so only Haruhi could hear "Now you really do look like a guy, you sure you're a girl?." He teased, she chuckles "I'm sure, wanna see my identification to prove it?" She looks at him "Doing this will mean I can finally get away from these rich jerks. I'm taking it.."

He nods, Kyoya speaks "If you want, Edward, we can also do the same for you? Our patrons did happen to enjoy story time." Edward looked at him "Is that okay?..." Kyoya smiled, planning for him to talk about himself "Absolutely.."

* * *

"So, tell me.. Edward, Haruhi.. do you two.. have any hobbies? What do you two like to do?.." "I'm curious, what kind of products you use on your skin?" "Yes, It's so pretty!" Both Edward and Haruhi were sitting at a table, surrounded by three girl's. Both were extremely nervous, having no idea what to do. Edward considered reading for his book again, but that would Haruhi unprepared.. 'I don't know how to handle this anymore..'

Haruhi was just pulling up a blank slate, having no idea what to do. 'I can't do this anymore..' she stared at the guests 'I have no idea what I'm supposed to do!'

They simultaneously said "Why did you two join the host club?" 'Why? Because it's better than being the host clubs morons whipping boy's...' they both thought. Haruhi gulped 'All I have to do is get a hundred girl's to request me, and they can forget about my 8 thousand yen debt.' She looked at them 'I have the perfect story..'

For afar, both Tamaki and Kyoya were keeping an eye on their new hosts, albeit for different reasons. Kyoya was waiting for Edward to reveal something of his past and why is he so damn mysterious, hell he isn't that secretive. And Tamaki just wanted to see how they would cope with being hosts.

One of the guests said sadly "I see, your mother was sick and passed away ten years ago.. who does the chores around the house?.." Edward closely listened, memories started to cloud his mind "Oh, I do them myself. My mother taught me, she was an amazing cook." She looked off to the side "And when she went into the hospital, she left me all kinds of great recipes. It was fun to create each dish, especially when they turned out well." She giggled, starting to get the hang of this "And it made me happy to see my dad enjoy it." She looked down "I had a rough childhood, but dad and I have managed to make it through okay." She smiled, causing the three girl's have lovey dovey hearts above their heads

Edward just silently nodded. She lost her mother too? Even if truth doesn't affect this world, he is still an unrelenting bastard! Is nobody safe from the fate of death? Of course not, we all l have to die at one point or another, just ask the supposedly immortal homunculii. Her mother also helped her cook? Well, his mother had shown him how to bake, but he believed he didn't really get the hang of it, despite what Alphonse, Winry, granny, teacher and siq say, he wasn't that good...

...Despite them always asking Ed to bake for party's or celebration's.

He shook his head. Off topic. So, her dad actually stuck around? He must've not had a bullshit reason like hohenheim to leave. "Oh, Edward.." he looked to see all four girls look at him "Sorry, got lost there.." He nervously rubbed the back of his head, 'so much for first impressions?...' They smiled "It's alright, but why?.."

He sighed, not wanting to bring this up "We are 'two peas in a pod' you can say.." he sighed, confusing the girls with what that could mean. "My mom also got extremely sick and passed away..." He looked for to side, a memory of holding woman's hand before it went limp clouded his vision. "It was from a new illness and depression.." "Huh?.. what do you mean by that?.." The guests all were staring at him sadly, he didn't like the looks of pity but if it's pay off this debt, he'll just have to suck it up

"My bastard of a father walked out on us a year beforehand, she never got over it, even in her final moments.." He sighed, hating this more and more "So me and my brother looked after ourselves, with me doing most of the job hunting so we wouldn't starve." He did start doing odd jobs to help them and granny pay the bills. He removed his coat and jacket, revealing his tank top, and his scars "We got in a incident afterwards, though we made it out just fine.." he put his clothes back on , and placed a hand on his left leg 'Yeah right, it was absolute hell..'

The three girl's looked at Edward in sadness, did they really have such terrible childhoods? They were pampered and taken care of to the highest degree, and were even more grateful for it after hearing how commoners lives could get so bad. The worse their lives got was when they ran out of their favorite dishes...

Haruhi looked at Edward as he was telling his story. 'Two peas in a pod, he said.. I suppose so..' She looked down, she had her father to comfort her but he didn't even have that.. and he has a brother?.. Edward just keeps raising more and more questions...

Kyoya was intrigued. So, this was his backstory, quite sad even without all the details. This also brings more questions, like where is the father? Where is the brother? And more importantly, if this was all true, where did he come from? Edward looked as if he was going to speak again, maybe that should clear things up..

A pair of fingers snapped, catching their attention's "Edward!, Haruhi!" Tamaki called them over "come here for a minute." They quickly bowed apologetically and made their way over to the ,quote-on-quote, 'King'. Kyoya frowned, 'And just as I was getting somewhere, Tamaki is such a pain...'

Tamaki smiled as he introduced a guest, princess ayanokoji, who kept a suppressed glare at Haruhi for some reason..

And the list of hosts who figured out Haruhi's real gender grew, Tamaki stayed the ever clueless

* * *

***Spash***

Haruhi searched for her school bag, which contain her wallet for food money, while it suspiciously went missing

Edward, Hearing the splash, checked out the window and a bag floating in the middle of a pond in the courtyard, he pointed down there and Haruhi sighed "Are you kidding me?.. I didn't think there were bullies in this school." She hmmped "Guess there everywhere.."

She ran to the courtyard with Edward following close behind as... "Oh, it's you again.." a voice behind them said, they turned to find ayanokoji with her back to them "I bet you loved Tamaki making you over and fawning over you," she said to Haruhi "It's useless though, you'll always be a second class citizen." She ran off, down the hall. 'What the hell was that about?..'

* * *

They made it down to the pond and Haruhi removed her shoes "Huh?.. What are you doing?.." Edward asked "I don't want to get my shoes wet." She said, pulling up her pants legs

Edward gulped, he knew he had to help.. but that would mean revealing his automail and the fact he doesn't have a leg. He sighed, and if he spent too much time in the pond, his automail will rust. Haruhi jumped into the pond and started looking "I have a feeling that girl was the one who threw my bag in the pond." Haruhi said, Edward replied "She didn't make it subtle.."

She nodded, searching "Yeah, but I can't be bothered with her right now, though." "And why not? She's a bitch who deserves it" she sighs "My money will get too wet to use, and I would be able to eat for the week." He blinks, good reason.. Haruhi quickly removed some items from the pond

"Commoners," Tamaki was seen walking over, surprising them "You both have some nerve skipping out on the club like that." He caught sight of Haruhi's things "Hmm? Why is your bag all wet?"

Edward scoffed "One of your guests did it, princess what's her face, she most likely had a hand in this." Tamaki tilted his head "Princess ayanokoji? Why?.." Edward shrugged "Beats us..." he looked at the water, wanting to help a friend

Tamaki, noticing Haruhi having a tough time searching, took off his shoes "What the hell?.." Edward asked, Tamaki simply hopped in and started searching . This caught Haruhi's attention "Senpai, you don't have to do that.. you'll get wet."

Tamaki shrugged while looking "A little water never hurt anyone," he smiled "people are always telling me I'm dripping with good looks." He joked, Edward was surprised. He believed Tamaki to be a useless pretty boy, but here he is helping while he can't. 'Cool.. I think' maybe he isn't so bad?..

Haruhi was also surprised, Tamaki was acting different from what she had seen before. He wasn't so bad after all, just still kinda annoying. Tamaki smiled as he found something "Oh, hang on a second," he stood up presenting a wallet. "This is what you're looking for?" He walked out of the pond and left it to dry, he looked back to see Haruhi stare, he smiled "What's wrong, you're staring off into space." He teased "You're not falling for me, are you?"

Haruhi gasped and rushed out of the water, frowning "No way!" Edward smiled at her, along with Tamaki

Unknown to them, a figure watches

* * *

After leaving her things to dry off, Haruhi, along with Edward and Tamaki, returned to the music room. Kyoya smiled "Ah, there all of you are. Tamaki, you have been requested by a group at table 5. Edward, you can relax, no requests. Haruhi, you've been privately requested by princess ayanokoji."

All three blinked, really? Doesn't she hate Haruhi? Why the request?

They all made their way to where they need to go. Tamaki serenaded his group of girl's, Haruhi went to the princess bitch, and Edward just went to get coffee. Edward always made a quick glance at Haruhi and ayanokoji, expecting something bad to happen

Edward sighed and look around, 'maybe nothing bad will happen...' then "... *Crash!*

A table fell over as a tea set smashed into the ground, and a scream was heard. Princess ayanokoji was laying on the floor, Haruhi on top of her. She acted as she was attacked "No Haruhi! Leave me alone! Somebody help! He just attacked me!"

Edward walked over carrying a pot of water, alongside the twins. The princess screamed again "Someone, do something! Teach this commoner a lesson!" Okay, Edward decided that was enough. He and the twins poured the water over her, shutting her up

She, confused and wet, was revealed by Tamaki to have thrown haruhi's bag away. She, distressed, ran away while berating Tamaki. He sighed and looked at Haruhi, on the floor and wet. "Hmm... how am I going to punish you, because it is your fault after all." He pointed at her "Your quota is now one thousand!"

Haruhi looked as if she was going to collapse..

* * *

After the host club closes for the day, the guests leave for the day. Kyoya gave a dry uniform to Haruhi and everyone waits for her.

Edward recalls his day, all things considered... he's had worse. Tamaki is a moron, the twins are annoying as hell, and he has absolutely no opinion on mori, though he sounds like mustang in the rare moments he talks so.. eh.., Kyoya is... Okay, to say the least. Honey is just really short and Edward like to point that out a lot. Haruhi is actually a really nice person, a person who is interesting and doesn't give him a headache. He'll eventually has to leave, but it doesn't hurt to get to know them, at least for a little...right?

*sighs* He should focus on getting out of here the fastest he can, to get back to Alphonse. But.. does that really mean he can't have a little fun?...

Tamaki walks in on Haruhi changing, and finally figuring out her real gender, being the last person to find out, the moronic fool. Haruhi, after admitting it to the host club, walks out in a female uniform, causing Tamaki to pull at his hair, screeching

"Listen senpai," Haruhi speaks while finishing putting on her uniform "I don't care if you guys recognize me as a boy or a girl. In my opinion, it's more important to recognize from 'Who' they are, rather than what sex they are." Effectively not caring about what they call her

Tamaki blushes in severe embarrassment while Haruhi says "Getting fussed over by a bunch of girls might not be so bad," shocking Tamaki and intriguing the host club. Edward joked "Oh now what, gonna just call everyone non-gender specific things now?" She smiled "Perhaps.." she laughed

Tamaki just wished this to be a nightmare.

* * *

The school day ended and everyone left for home. Haruhi got back her male uniform and said farewell to the host club for the day. Haruhi smiled, today didn't seem so bad. Sure the host club can be a serious pain and some guests are a bit on the crazy side, bit she can used to this.. as long as this is the craziest it gets

She caught sight of her fellow host dog, leaning against a pole. She walked to him "Oh, hey Edward." He looked at her "Still keeping the guy look?" She shrugged "I prefer the guy uniform, so what." He chuckles, amused at her simple answer

She asks "Where you staying for tonight?" He shrugs "So far.. no where, kinda homeless now.." she look at him curiously, doesn't he have a home to go too?... "Oh.. wanna spend the night?.." she offers

Edward shrugged "Lead the way." She smiled "alright."

* * *

A walk later, Haruhi and Edward make it to her home, a loft on the second floor of a group of apartments. They walked upstairs and opened the door to her loft "My dad is at work for now, so we're free for now..." she removed her shoes and leaves them besides the door

Edward gulps, sooner or later, his automail is going to get revealed, he hoped to whatever deity is up there that he's wearing socks. He took off his right shoe to be sure, when he lifted his foot out he saw a black sock, having a red sewned version of his flamel symbol. He took a sigh of relief and left his shoes there.

Someone was having mercy today, he was expecting to uncover a secret plot to take over the country or something, but.. all things considered, this is a rather nice change of pace, no battles, no immortal fiends, no conspiracies. If he didn't know truth sent him here, he would've thought this was a vacation,.. which he normally didn't take so he could research for Al. If he knew this is how it felt... he still would've research for Al

Haruhi came of her room, now wearing clothes that didn't hide her gender, smiling. She normally didn't have friends over, maybe one or two in middle school, but she mostly keep to herself. And Edward did seem like a nice guy. She grabbed a apron and tied it around her "What a bite to eat?"

Edward shrugged "Sure, whatever you want."

* * *

After a delicious stewpot with meat, Haruhi lend Edward a blanket and pillow "Sorry, but you'll have to take the floor for now." He smiled "It's fine, I'm used to sleeping in awkward places or positions... don't ask."

HHaruhi giggled, believing that to be a joke, 'Funny and nice, not bad...' The front door flew open "~Haruhi~" A person rushed and pulled Haruhi into a bear hug, another gender confused person in this house

Edward's first impression of this..guy?... Was havoc in drag. 'He' was in female clothes, holding a purse. 'He' is also wearing a red women's wig, but again it's kinda obvious from the voice it's a guy... "Oh Haruhi! You look so cute! How was school toda-" 'He' caught sight of Edward, staring at him

He began to growled and let go of Haruhi, gripping at the top of her head, Haruhi seemed unfazed though "Haruhi... mind telling me who is our little guest?.." Edward growled "Don't call me that..."

Haruhi sighed, used to her father's eccentric behavior "This is my friend, Edward. Edward, this is my dad." Her father glared at Edward "My name is ryoji fujioka, but you can refer to me as ranka."

Edward scoffed "What's with the outfit?.."

Haruhi sighed, this is slowly becoming a disaster..

* * *

After a major battle with flying chopsticks, a konastu table, and eventually a flying haruhi, everyone calmed down.. though ranka and Edward continued to send heated glares

Ranka angrily made his way to bed, and Haruhi, after bandaging up, left for her room. Edward laid on the floor, unable to sleep for some reason. He decided to take a walk, he remembered catching sight of a fire escape. He had a habit of climbing to rooftops with Al, usually enjoying the heights

He climbed up and looked high into the sky, sighing "I should focus, Al.. I'm coming as fast as I can.." he stared at the moon, and opened his mouth. No matter who says otherwise, he is a terrible singer

~How can I repay you, brother mine~

~How can I expect you to forgive~

~Clinging to the past, I shed our blood~

~And shattered you're chance to live..~

~Though I knew the laws, I paid no heed~

~How can return your wasted breath?~

~What I did not know has cost you dear~

~For there's no cure for death..~

Haruhi was driven awake by sounds, though she didn't mind it to much. It sounded nice, calm and smooth, also.. familiar?.. more singing wa as heard

~Beautiful mother, soft and sweet~

~Once you were gone~

~We were not complete~

~Back through the years,~

~We reached for you~

~Alas t'was not meant to be!~

That voice is Edward?!.. But, why was he singing? And what did the lyrics mean?..

~And how can I make amends!~

~For all that I took from you~

~I lead you with hopeless dreams,~

~My brother, I am a fool..~

Edward had enough of a stroll andmade his way back.

Haruhi pondered on what he could possibly have meant for that, whenever he answers one question, another pops up.. Haruhi will continue to ask.. who is Edward elric

* * *

**Another cluster of a chapter, well... this is something. Oh well, hope you like it or at the least don't dislike it.**

**If you are either of these, read rate and review. Now if you excuse me, I have rewatch some more ouran and other animes, mangas, and/or books for a bit**


	4. The job of the fullmetal host! pt1

**Before I begin, this story has, as of this writing, this has a crap ton of views... That is... wow, just wow... Thank you, this is really cool. Enough of this sappy stuff, we're here to watch our favorite midget question his morals and probably his sexuality, though I don't see that happening**

**I'm so sorry for the absence.. but it's been one hell of a two month period... ugh... *sees 'Another case'* whoa...**

**Disclaimer: I did it once, never again...**

**Dialogue: "**

**Thoughts: '**

**BAH: Author's notes**

**Twins speak: +**

Fullmetal alchemist: Story time

* * *

{3rd person p.o.v.}

Edward slept soundlessly on the floor, dreams of the past fill his subconscious. Not even any nightmares, truly peaceful. He seriously didn't want to move... *poke poke* He opened one eye to see Haruhi in her school uniform, looking down on him, he grumbled "What is it?..."

She shrugged "We have school today, so get up." "Correction: You have school. It's been a couple of years since I legitimately went to school." He yawns, laying down on the floor.

A couple of years since then? Was she to believe that?.. "What? Was it too hard for you?" She teased "Quite the guarantary, too easy I would put it." He yawns "And why would I want to deal with paper work and stuff like that?..."

Okay, he really does make no sense "Come on, we have to serve guests again today, remember?" Edward groaned, yeah he remembered... he wish it was just an insane delusion like usually... "Yeah, I remember... " He stood up and got ready

They left, while Ranka was listening to their conversation "Guests?.. What did she mean by that?..." Then he received a phone call

* * *

The day was positively average, Haruhi did her schoolwork while Edward leisurely explored ouran academy. He would get many looks by the many students of the academy, especially the girls, unknowingly increasing the interest for the host club.

Haruhi began doing her studies in the library, which were really taxing on her brain, she sighed "Ugh..." "That kind of work will kill someone after a while, you know?" She turned to see the familiar red and gold of her new friend/roommate "I have been here for a while... maybe I should call it in for today.." She sighed, 'Mom, this is harder than I thought..'

Edward shrugged "Let's see what our mentally challenged bosses have in store for us..." they walked to the music room and began to feel extremely hot, they blinked as they opened the door "...what the fuck..."

The room was decorated with exotic palm trees and bushes, holding exotic flowers with animals in all of the open area. The host club stood in the center, all in tropical clothing adorned with beads and jewelry "Welcome" they said with smiles, Haruhi and Edward just stared in disbelief 'can you see this from heaven mom? This was the club I was forced to join...' a toucan fell and landed on her head, taking her out of her thoughts 'Mom.. Al... Winry... maybe even hohenheim... catch this bullshit I have to put up with...'

* * *

Roses engulf the screen and as the petals flew away, text appeared being narrated by Edward

(The job of the fullmetal host)

* * *

Edward looked at Haruhi "Hey... wasn't it spring the last time I checked?..." she threw the bird off her head "Yeah... " "Then where did all these trees come from!"

Tamaki stood and began spinning around, posing with a fan in his hand "Huddling under a kotatsu table fearing the cold is nonsense! And besides, the heating system we have is..." dramatic pause... "The best!" They scoffed...

Kyoya smiled behind his clipboard "Do you have a problem with the way we work our club, you two? But do watch what you say, you both owe a substantial amount of money you owe us, remember?"

Haruhi shuttered, remembering the broken vase. Edward groaned in pain, remembering the destruction of the suou mansion foyer. Speak of the devil, Tamaki wave his fan "Gentleman don't bulk up in heavy clothing, it may be chilly out there in the real world but here at the club, we want to surprise our chilly little kittens with a warm tropical paradise." While this was said, Hikaru and kaoru kept posing with each other with honey riding mori's shoulders around the forest area.

Tamaki placed his hands on the newest hosts shoulders, smiling "We've turned this place into nirvana! A balmy tropical island of everlasting summer!" He took his hands off and raised them to the sky, Haruhi scoffed "funny, I just felt a massive chill..." "this mother..."

* * *

Edward sighed "This is just getting way too hot..." The temperature was getting extremely warm, so he removed his red coat and opened his jacket to let his body breathe.

(Aka, how he looked during the second half of the 2003 anime, brotherhood colors)

He sighed when he heard a peculiar piece of information "-oh yes, I almost forgot to mention to you lady's, the ouran host club is sponsoring a party." Edward raised his brow "A party? Well shit..." He was never good at party's, especially ones that didn't concern family or friends. During banquets for the military when he is forced to go by mustang and the lieutenant, he always found a way to escape and read alchemical research, waiting for when they can go. He would usually be scolded for it, but he also liked making musty lose his hair, stressing about it.

He shook his head, knowing these morons, it wouldn't be a dried up snorefest with dancing "What kind of party will be?" He turned his head towards a pair of girls talking with Hikaru and kaoru "Is it going to be formal?" Hikaru smiled "Yes, and in fact, we rented the school's largest hall.-" "It will be the perfect place for dancing." Kaoru continued then the twins proceeded to do their usual stïck

'Oh truth damn it...' Edward deflated, seems he just jinxed himself... again. "The guests seem to be more worked up than usual, it seems.." He looked off to see Haruhi and Kyoya in front of a minibar, Kyoya wrote in his notebook while not looking up "Showing a bit of skin does proves popular with the ladies." Edward raised a brow "Lemme guess, your idea?"

"I have no decision making authority, all the club's policies have been laid out by the club's king, Tamaki.." He smiled as he pushed up his glasses "But, there's no harm to admitting to casually slipping a Bali photo book onto his desk"

Haruhi stared while Edward adopted a thinking pose "So you pull the strings and the blond pompous punk does as command?" Kyoya smiled "I wouldn't put it like that, but I would say I had a helping hand." Edward recoiled 'So he is the true mastermind, eh?.. have to watch my back, or else he might...um... do something bad? I got no possible leads where this could end badly on me.. at least with my life concerning..'

Kyoya fixed his glasses and looked at his clipboard "Haruhi, you have a group all by yourself. Edward, you have a group wanting to continue storytime, so chop-chop to the both of you." He smiled, Edward and Haruhi nodded and went to their respected groups

The group of girls Haruhi commented on why she wasn't wearing a dress, while Tamaki kept trying (and failing) to get her into a slightly revealing queen outfit to match with him, she out right refused wanting to stay true to the seasons

Meanwhile...

* * *

"Give the philosophers stone!.."

The teen and a giant suit of armor turned around to see a young woman pointing a gun at them, outside a wrecked church "Rose..." The armor spoke "Like I just was saying, it was a fake, wasn't real... besides it's shattered now.." The teen summarized the ending of their latest escapade

Liar! You want to keep it for yourself, don't you?!" The woman replied furiously "So you can use it on your bodies.. That's right! And so you can try to bring your mother back again!" 

The teen's eyes recoiled, then glared furiously "You shut up!" The outburst stunned the woman "People don't come back from the dead, rose... not ever.." he felt a deep harshness in his throat "...not ever..."

The woman, in stunned silence, collapsed and dropped the gun "But... he promised me..." her voice getting slightly raspy "He said if I prayed, it would happen...A miracle!..." she lifted her head, crying as the two in front of her began walking towards her "It was all I had left, and who am I supposed to believe in now!." She wailed as the two walked by her "tell me what to do..Please!.." the teen stopped

"I can't tell you that... you have to figure it out, " the teen began walking down the steps of the church and into a horizon "Stand up and walk... keep moving forward... you got two good legs, so use em..." the woman listened and stopped crying a little, raising her head to the sky "on your own path..."

* * *

The girls at the table openly weeped at such a powerful ending "So beautiful... What happens to the woman?" Edward scratched his chin, remembering what winry said about liore "She aided in the rebuilding of her city and aided the workers by preparing meals for them, heeding the words of the teen, following her own path."

The girls smiled "How beautiful, though..." Another took over "If I wrote that, I would have her play a more important part.." And another "Like her falling in love with the lead!" Edward stepped back a little and raised a brow in confusion 'Rose as my love interest?... Next you'll be saying envy liked cats as much as Al... it doesn't add up..' He pulled a smile "Well, that would be interesting.. You girls sure do have some good ideas, looks aren't your only strongsuit, eh?" The girls all blushed at the compliment while smiling

A new girl walked forward "Excuse me?" Ed turned around to see the new guest "I think it's time for the hosts to switch clients.." Edward scratched his check "Well I'll be damn, I guess so...um.. and you are?" She smiled "My name is konoko, konoko konokozuki" she placed a hand under Ed's chin and raised it slightly "You're cuter than I expected.." Edward eyes widened slightly, and blushes "I've decided...from now on, you are going to be my new favorite host, Edward." This caught the attentions of the other hosts especially Haruhi and Tamaki

The twins looked at each other then the other two "+Looks like she strikes again.."

* * *

"So you're telling me that she's a..." It was after hours and the male hosts rounded on Edward, explaining the situation "A host hopper? Why yes, the illness has a large grasp on her.."

Haruhi blinked "Illness?" Hikaru popped up behind Kyoya "The host hopping disease." Kaoru from behind him "A.K.A. the 'Never the same guy twice' disease."

Kyoya nodded as he typed "Usually by now, our guests choose a different host and then see that one specifically," his voice became a bit sharper "Princess konoko tends to change her favorites on a regular basis." Honey nodded "That's right, cause before she was with you, she was tama-chan!" He pulled out a photo of them in a rose garden. Edward just blinked awkwardly "So... She just can't seem to make up her mind?" Tamaki just smiled "Alas you don't seem to get it, she is simply surveying our fine qualities to find a perfect match... she is still apparently looking." He sweatdroped. The twins rounded on him "+Well don't you look happy, he thought you were gonna be depressed she officially dumped you as her favorite."

He smiled "Alas it was soon to fall, oh well.." He proudly smiled as he looked at haruhi "I now have more opportunity to turn my little daughter into the most Beautiful princess ever!" She gawked at him "What the hell, senpai?! I don't want that.." He grimaced

"There you go, using those disgusting boy terms... " He dramatically stood up and pointed at her "Haruhi, it's about time you started dressing like a girl! " he overdramatictly shook his head "I don't understand how you could be so good with the ladies WHEN YOU YOURSELF ARE A LADY!" He glared "And no one in the entire school except those of us here! "

Edward shrugged "In the end, it makes sense.. She knows what women wants, being one herself." He rubbed his chin "Didn't you get of your P.E. classes, right? " She blinked "How do you.." "I'm not enrolled into this rich kid school, but since I work here, I see fit to explore around.." It being true, he had travelled throughout the entire school during classes and break times to simply kill time

Tamaki shooked his head "Stop changing the subject! " he hopped up and ran, returning with a large chest in tow, surprising everyone. He opened it and climbed in searching for something. "That's enough haruhi, you lieten to daddy..." he pulled a large picture frame and presenting it out to all the hosts "Daddy wants you to go back to the way you were! "

It was a picture of a girl with long brunette hair and large brown eyes, smiling and in a middle school uniform. Edward blinked 'Who the... why does she look so- ' Haruhi interrupted angrily

"Don't go blowing up my pictures without asking me first! " Edward blinked again '...well that explains it..' the hosts began to question how haruhi turned from looking like a beautiful girl to a nerdy looking boy. She opened her mouth to answer but "She got some gum stuck in her hair, I think.." Edward said, scratching her head "and also something about losing contacts, right haruhi? " She blinked, then smiled and nodded at him "You got it right, also I don't mind looking like a dude."

Tamaki gasped and cried out loud "Grwah! A lady should never refer to herself as a' dude'!" He turned to kyoya "Mama! Haruhi is using thise dirty boy words again." He cried as he collapsed to the ground, Haruhi and Edward stared "...Are we sure he wasn't dropped on his head as a baby?"

Hikaru and kaoru chuckled, then went into full on laughter "+Ahahaha! You know..." they fell to the ground, holding their stomachs while laughing "We asked that ourselves when we met him...Ahaha!"

Kyoya sighed as he pushed up his glasses "Excuse me for interrupting the fun, but I must know if you two have any formal dancing experience? You both will need it at the party." They gaped "Y-you serious? ..." They gulped "N-no... but that party doesn't really need us to dance, right? ...I'm REALLY not interested going to events so, if I could be excused, is that oka-" They stopped as they felt a shiver down their spines

Tamaki gained a devily grin and sparkle in his eye 'Bingo...' He stood up and placed his hand under his chin "Absolutely not, A refined gentleman simply must know how to dance." He glared at them dramatically "If you both wish to continue being hosts, You have to show us how far you are willing to commit to go Haruhi.. And you too, Edward." He added as an afterthought, to not look suspicious

He did a bow "I order you both to master dancing the waltz in one week, and you shall demonstrate it at the party." He did a twirl then pointed at haruhi angrily "Otherwise I will reveal to the entire school that you are a girl! " she gasped, shocked "And knock you back down to errend boy."

Edward blinked and pointed at himself "Um... I don't have a secret, so can I be excused from dancing? " Tamaki blinked, he honestly didn't care if Edward danced or not, but since he added Edward in the previous statement to not look suspicious.. "Um.. No, same goes for you... no dancing, no being a host! "

Edward stared blankly 'Mom... Al... Winry... Even hohenheim... and mustang... Maybe I shouldn't have skipped those dance lessons...'

* * *

**I'm so, so, so, so, so So! Sorry! That this took so long... and yes, this is only half a episode... they will all be half if I feel like it... But again, sorry! Life.. hasn't been good lately... I hope you except my apologies... and still realize this story exists... I'll try better! **


	5. The job of the fullmetal host! pt2

**Okay, here we go... still, sorry. By the way, not dead**

* * *

"- dialogue

' - thoughts

Edward slumped through the halls, berating his past selfs stupidity of skipping those dance lessons. Then again, "How was I supposed to know I would need them!" He screamed, his head in his palms.

Without that ability, he will have pay tamaki very penny of the damages he caused. 'Who knows how long that'll take!' he thought to himself "Need what?" Ed blinked and turned his head to see the girl who marked him as her favorite, um... What was her name again? "I need some dance lessons, um..."

The girl claps her hands together with a smile "Konoko konokzuki, and I can help you with your dancing problem." Edward blinked "You can?" she smiles as she takes his hand, leading him away "Of course, it's a date!"

[Meanwhile]

On the other side of the gate, one miss winry rockbell looked to the sky, leaving awfully angry and jealous for some reason... Edward must be doing something stupid in central. She gripped her wrench hard "You... IDIOT!" She hurled at an unsuspecting customer in the middle of the street. She blinked "Um... Sorry?"

[back at the academy]

Edward was blushing more than he has ever done in his life. Both at the fact konoko saying this was a date and being so intimately closed to a girl more so than he has ever been in his life. If it had been the lieutenant or maria ross or someone else older, he wouldn't have minded so much, but having someone around his age (and admittedly very pretty) this was quite unnerving

He also regretted having her lead him to the music room..

Tamaki looked at the two with keen interest. When Edward and haruhi mentioned that they couldn't danced, he expected them to be floundering around like fools on the dance floor. But seeing Edward and miss konokzuki move, he can see young edward being quite the natural... Now if only he'll just stop blushing so much at holding a girl's waistline.. Ans speaking of his young daughter...

He looked off to the side to see the twins hiding from a menacing aura, he then turned to the side to see the source of that aura. Haruhi was sending death glares at the two dancing, while eating Ramen. He blinked, he felt... Kinda robbed for some reason. He shooked his head and smiled "Why haruhi, dear daughter, how's about I help you dance aswell?" She turned her gaze on him "Buzz off." she said with vemon

Tamaki gasped and fell back dramatically, falling near kyoya. "Mama... What is wrong with our daughter?.." Kyoya pushed his glasses as if he hadn't heard that, but it was quite obvious what was he seeing.

Envy. Or better yet, jealousy. But why?.. Kyoya pushed his glasses again, this isn't going to go good at all...

And where was that idiot with his shipment of fine china?

[Later]

It was discovered that miss konokzuki and a son of a wealthy china company were childhood friends. But due to him leaving to study abroad, neither could reveal each other's feelings to the other. The host club decided to step in

Tamaki smiled as he pieced his plan together, haruhi would get the boy to admit his feelings, meanwhile edward will causally lead miss konokzuki on a walk, "ACCIDENTALLY" listening on these twos conversation. Thus these two will know each other's feelings and live happily ever after.

Edward sweatdropped at the ending but nodded in agreement anyway, understanding his part in all this.

Haruhi clapped "I like this plan, I'm excited to be a part of it." Edward stared at her as if she grew a second head, just what hell is she drinking?

Haruhi herself was wondering tge same, but atleast she'll get rid of that girl for good... Which was important to hers. She has no idea why but... She can't let Ed near that girl... For some resaon... Love? Pis sah! He was her newest friend and she was just being a good friend, right?

She needs more ramen...

[The night of the party]

The festivities kicked off with a blast with all the guests fighting tooth and claw to dance with their favorite host.

Edward sighed. He was made to wear a suit, a white shirt with green tie behind a black vest, with matching black slacks and his standard combat boots, all topped with a brown trenchcoat. In all, a nice suit and he was sure he looked good, just... "I just have to look like hohenheim, don't i?" he asked to no one. "Hohen.. Who?" he turned to see konoko in a very pretty dress, looking at him expectantly

He rubbed his hair, hoimg reddish "Um... Just a jerky old man I knew, but Don't mind him.." he coughed "Um... Care to dance?" She smiled brightly, grabbing his arm and dragging him to the dance floor "Why of course!" he smiled nervously 'Pretty grabby...'

Haruhi looked from the concession stand of fancy foods, partaking in it's tuna. She glared at the two 'Where is that guy, imma be sick if i have to watch more of thi-' she thought as she was suddenly whisked away for a makeover by the other members of the club

[meanwhile]

Haruhi wasn't the only one glaring at the couple. All the girls, since the other hosts disappeared, were glaring at the princess who kept hogging the only prince charming there. The boys there repeatingly tried to gain their attentions and their hands for a dance, but most were brushed aside. One boy glared at Edward, for taking the girl of his dreams from him, now he'll leave ouran without telling her his feelings.. He pulled out a very strange love confessional he got, just about time him to leave too... Good, he leaves he's gonna be sick here. He walked to the planned room

Edward caught sight of him leaving 'Right on schedule' "Hey, uh.. Kono?..." he said, forgetting her name. She blushes, thinking he is just nicknaming her "Y-yes edward?" he smiled sighly "Wanna go take a walk?" she smiled, nodding "Okay, if you want to." this was pretty easy

[Later]

Okay, so that could've gone better. Konoko was shocked at seeing Hauhi, looking like what she lloked like before ouran, and the guy in the same room together, she ran from the room in tears. The guy tracked her down to the main foyer where he confessed.

The hosts shined a light on her declaring konoko the maiden of the night. Kyoya pushed his glasses up, smiling "And now the princess shall receive a kiss from a princely figure." Tamaki smiled and began to step forward "Which tonight will be our very own, Edward elric!" Tamaki stopped in shock, but shrugged, no loss here. Haruhi's eyes widen and furrowed into a glare, Damn it kyoya-sempai...

Edward stood there in shock, unsure what to do. He had never kissed anyone before, so he was supposed to kiss her?! His first kiss with her?! He would rather have it taken by wi-

The twins began pushing him forward. "Damn it, we were barely in this chapter!" kaoru grumbled, hikaru groaned "Stupid late author..." they gave a mighty push "+We're relevent, damn it!" the push was too strong however causing Ed to miss her cheek and kiss her... Lips

[meanwhile]

"IDIOT, IDIOT, IDIOT, IDIOT!" mister garfiel, paninya, hohenheim and Alphonse (who came with her to rush walley to cheer her up about edward) were hiding from the many wrenches winry was throwing while also nursing their heads of the bumps she gave them, except of course hohenheim who automatically healed his injuries. Al mumbled, rubbing his head "I will never laugh at brother about this ever again..."

Author's notes: Yeah, I'm not dead. Sorry that this chapter had to be so rushed so badly... I'll try better... If anybody is still here

Please read, rate and review if you don't mind and maybe the next chapter would take MONTHS again


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